


there is a glorious sunrise

by cherrycola



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Character Study, First Kiss, Forgiveness, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-14 21:08:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29052666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherrycola/pseuds/cherrycola
Summary: The thing is.Life comes at you fast. That’s how the cliché goes and the so-called experts who dole out unsolicited advice explain it. Life is supposed to be full of curveballs or landslides; something unpredictable where you never know what comes next. Even death, something that Alex is intimately familiar with, is supposed to be something that you don’t want to see coming. It’s the unknown that creates the very fear, the anxiety, that Alex has had to live with his whole life. The unpredictability that comes as a byproduct of being alive, or in this bizarre case undead.The problem, as Alex has begun to realize, is what exists outside of the platitudes. The raw truth that sometimes, life is painstakingly predictable to the point where it feels more like a mockery than a reality.
Relationships: Alex Mercer/Willie (Julie and The Phantoms)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 64





	there is a glorious sunrise

**Author's Note:**

> title from "happiness" by Taylor Swift

The thing is. 

  
Life comes at you fast. That’s how the cliché goes and the so-called experts who dole out unsolicited advice explain it. Life is supposed to be full of curveballs or landslides; something unpredictable where you never know what comes next. Even death, something that Alex is intimately familiar with, is supposed to be something that you don’t want to see coming. It’s the unknown that creates the very fear, the anxiety, that Alex has had to live with his whole life. The unpredictability that comes as a byproduct of being alive, or in this bizarre case undead. 

  
The problem, as Alex has begun to realize, is what exists outside of the platitudes. The raw truth that sometimes, life is painstakingly predictable to the point where it feels more like a mockery than a reality. 

  
-

Of all the insane ways that people meet someone new (someone _attractive_ his brain supplies unhelpfully), Alex did not expect to be mowed down by a skateboard on Hollywood Boulevard. Especially considering the fact that he was, apparently, dead. Deceased. No longer living. Thrown off this mortal coil only to be thrown right back in twenty-five years later for reasons still undetermined. The point is that physically running into his first crush in almost three decades feels like something out of a terrible, made-for-TV romcom that Reggie was always trying to force them to watch in the name of bandmate bonding, not something that would ever happen in real life and certainly not something that would happen to Alex of all people. Still, from the moment Willie took off his helmet and the world seemed to slow down around them, as though they were in their own protective bubble, Alex knew that he was in deep trouble. 

  
Which, in all fairness, he was. The absolute train wreck that was Caleb and the Hollywood Ghost Club solidified that point, and while, yes, it would be unfair to blame what happened solely on Willie given the whole sold soul fiasco, that does little to eliminate the hurt that Alex was left with in the wake of the fallout. Deceit cuts deep; even deeper when the person who betrayed you is someone who you thought you could trust with every little nook and cranny of your being. The question is: where do they go from here and how does Alex move past the innate reflex to rebuild his walls and never let Willie see so much as a crack ever again. 

-

“Dude, your leg’s been shaking for like fifteen minutes,” comes from Alex’s left, disrupting his train of thought and hurtling him back into reality. He’s at band practice, brainstorming lyrics for their next song. Luke’s statement is paired with an equally exasperated bug-eyed facial expression. His patented stare of displeasure inches away from Alex’s face, close enough to feel the heat coming out of his nose with each exhale. Gross. Alex quickly shoves him out of his space with a firm hand to the chest. Whatever. It wasn’t fifteen minutes anyway, more like five. Seven tops. Alex tells Luke as much.

The admittedly weak rebuttal, not at all strengthened by the mumbling tone Alex used to broker his argument, was met with an eyeroll from Luke, typical, and an inquisitive look from Julie, also typical but way more troublesome.

“Are you sure you’re okay, Lex? You seem kind of,” Julie trails off, trying to find a way to gently tell him how much he’s currently not helping fix whatever issue Luke currently has with the bridge, or maybe it’s the chorus this time. Alex clearly isn’t paying attention.

“Like you’ve eaten too many space cakes.” 

The three other band members slowly turn their heads to stare at their bassist who looks way too proud of himself and his inane analogy.

“Yeah, sure, Reg, Alex seems like he’s eaten too many space cakes,” Julie manages to get out straight-faced, only letting out a slight laugh around the word space, which is both impressive and a dash to Alex’s hope that Reggie was enough of a distraction. “But seriously. Are you sure you’re doing alright?”

If Luke’s face made him look like a perturbed bug, then Julie’s face makes her look like an angel, descended from heaven above just to make sure Alex’s current mental state is stable enough for him to add a drum beat. It’s sweet, like a hot chocolate that warms you up from the inside. Almost sweet enough to make Alex open up about everything. About Willie. Almost.

“I don’t know. I guess I’m just not feeling the song.” 

The lie seems to work a little too well if the furrow of Luke’s brow and quick downturn of his lip is to be trusted. An obvious enough sign, at least for someone who’s known him for years, decades in a way, to understand that you might as well have told him that they just kicked his dog. He quickly tries to backtrack, if only to convince Luke that Alex does in fact believe in his songwriting prowess. “I just mean that I’m not sure if I’m feeling a jam session today. It’s just with everything that just happened I haven’t really been able to focus, you know?”

It’s too much. Too close to the truth for comfort. That much is obvious by the concern and worry hidden just below the soft smile Julie offers up in exchange for his confession. It’s right there, clear in the look in her eyes. Alex can’t even muster up the courage to look at Luke and Reggie, but he can feel their eyes on the sides of his face. He knows that they know he’s keeping something close to his chest, something that he won’t let them see. The room suddenly feels too small.

“You know, I think I’m just going to go clear my head for a bit. Get some air or something.” 

Before he can hear anything, an allowance or a denial, Alex poofs out of the garage. It’s a rather desperate ploy, a bit of a cowardly one too, but Alex is too anxious to care. He just needs time to get his head screwed on right, and then he’ll be fine. He has to be.

-

The smell of salted air has always been a comfort. Maybe because it’s a constant no matter what plane of existence Alex is currently on. He may no longer be able to feel the chill of the waves or the grains of sand, but he can still smell salt wafting off the Pacific.

He sent himself back to the beach he used to spend his time at as a teenager in the nineties. About a half a mile south of where Reggie’s house turned bike shop is located. It used to be a place he could go when he was seeking solace, desperate for an extra fifteen minutes of silence before he was inevitably discovered by Luke or Reggie or Bobby wondering why he ventured so far down the surf. He hopes to get the same result this time around, twenty-five years later. 

The all too familiar sound of air whooshing around him, unfortunately, dashes any hope of that though. Alex sucks in a quick, deep breath and counts to five in his head to prepare himself for Luke or Reggie’s concerned face next to his on the sand. Instead, he chokes on the breath he was holding, that is, if ghosts even can choke (Alex honestly doesn’t know anymore) when he finally looks over to his right.

It’s not Luke. Or Reggie. Or even like his grandfather or something that would be equally as bizarre but so much less painful.

It’s Willie.

It’s Willie. And it’s the first time Alex has seen him since they hugged outside the Orpheum. Since Willie tried to fix their mess only for the power of love, at least according to Flynn, to fix it for them. Since Alex disappeared from Caleb’s stage back to where he belonged. Since Alex somehow didn’t die for a second, permanent time.

At least Willie looks as shocked as he feels to see him here.

So, he probably wasn’t following him. Again.

Still, Willie looks good. Like really good. Not that Alex has ever thought that Willie looked anything other than good, except maybe soft, but the point still stands. Apparently,

Alex, even in death, is still a dumb teenage boy with absolutely no self-preservation because all he wants to do is reach out and touch him. Just to prove that he’s real and not an ocean mirage. 

Instead, Alex just looks at him with a gobsmacked, open-mouthed look on his face. You know, like an idiot. 

“Hey, man. I, uh, I didn’t expect to see you here,” Willie’s voice is gentle like he’s trying not to spook an injured animal.

“Likewise,” Alex knows his tone is off. Too short to be nonchalant, to not betray the emotions he has boiling just under the surface. 

“It’s good to see you, though,” Willie’s quick with the recovery, a smile starting to take over his face as he continues to talk. “Kind of crazy that we’d end up at the same spot, though, huh? Like I come out here a lot to try and just clear my mind and stuff. What are the odds we’d choose the same beach?”

Alex can realize that Willie is trying. His nerves are evident in the rambling tone he’s taken on, but the grin that overtakes his face and the slight laugh in his voice proves that he’s trying to make Alex happy. 

“You’re not the only Californian who likes to go to the beach to decompress. Shocker.” 

It’s _mean_. Even by Alex’s standards. But it shocks a laugh out a Willie. A deep sort of guffaw that sounds stuck in his throat. 

Willie shakes his head just once and turns to look at Alex. His smile is smaller but just as bright. It feels more real like it’s only for Alex.

It makes Alex smile back, a quick quirk of his lips. 

Somehow Willie seems to understand the apology within Alex’s smile and takes it for what it is: a peace offering. He sits down next to Alex in the sand. They’re almost close enough for their arms to be touching. A few moments pass by in silence before Willie clears his throat.

“I wasn’t kidding, though,” he says while looking over at Alex. “It really is good to see you here.” 

His statement, combined with the same soft smile, is enough to knock the breath out of Alex. Willie just turns his head back towards the horizon. In response, Alex just shifts himself closer. Their arms are touching now. Alex can’t help but notice that it’s the calmest he’s felt in what feels like forever.

-

Alex can’t stay on the beach forever, as much as he may want to, and eventually, he has to return to the garage. For all that being able to poof in and out of places seems like a gift, there are some serious downsides. The obvious being that weird, tingling sensation that Alex still isn’t used to. The other is that it’s impossible to delay the inevitable. Gone are the days when he could casually give himself a pep talk two blocks away to psych himself up for a conversation he doesn’t want to have. Now he has less than three seconds. 

Predictably, Luke and Reggie are on him like vultures the second he appears in the shared space. Julie is notably absent, probably at dinner, but Alex has no doubts that she probably gave the other two boys specific instructions on how to grill him upon his return.

“Alex, dude, where have you been? You’ve been gone for like three hours. Reggie was ready to file a missing persons with the ghost police or something,” Luke says, barely pausing to take a breath.

Alex knows how he should respond. Knows that he should just tell them that he was out clearing his head. Maybe mention the beach, maybe leave it up to their imagination.

Which is why he can’t believe what comes out of his mouth is:

“I was with Willie.”

The twin looks of shock that meet Alex’s confession would be funny under different circumstances. Now, however, it’s just making Alex regret ever opening his mouth.

“What do you mean you were with Willie?” Luke says slowly, just so Alex can hear the emphasis and disbelief in his voice.

“Like Willie Willie?”

“No, Reggie like Willie Nelson. Of course, we’re talking about that Willie,” the venom in Luke’s voice seeps through noticeably on the that. This is what Alex was dreading. “How did this even happen?”

“I don’t know. We just both showed up at the same place. It’s not that big of a deal.”

“You both ended up at the same place? You don’t find that kind of suspicious?” 

Alex can’t help but roll his eyes as a response to Reggie’s question. It’s a knee jerk reaction. Reggie seems unphased, used to Alex’s dramatics, but Luke raises his brow back at Alex.

“No, really, Lex,” Luke begins, crossing his arms over his chest, “You don’t think it’s just a tiny bit suspicious that Willie just so happened to run into you? Really?”

“No, I really don’t. It clearly wasn’t on purpose or anything. It’s not like we even talked about anything actually important.”

“Wait,” and that’s Reggie again, “Were you with him the entire time you were gone?”

And Alex whole heartedly does not want to answer that question. He looks off to the left, huffs out a laugh, and does a half-shrug while scratching the back of his head. Desperately, trying to communicate that he can’t explain why he stayed for so long.

“So, what, you’re just over everything that went down? You forgive him?”

Just like that Luke manages to strike the heart of the dilemma. Alex isn’t completely sure of the answer himself, not completely sure if he even wants to forgive Willie. No, that’s a lie. Alex wants to forgive him, but he’s not entirely sure that he can. Not sure if he can get past the hurt (the betrayal his mind whispers). Not sure if he can rationalize putting himself back in a situation where he can get hurt again. Not sure if he can deal with the judgment from Luke or Reggie or Julie or god even Flynn about his choices.   
He wants to, he honestly does. It’s how the story is supposed to go. But he’s not sure he’ll be able to. 

“I don’t know. Look, can we just,” and Alex takes a second to pause, to breath and shove his hands in his pockets, “Can we please just drop it? At least for right now?”

Some of the panic Alex is feeling must show on his face or bleed into his voice because Reggie and Luke seem to relax by just a fraction. 

“Yeah, sure, Lex,” Reggie’s voice is softer than it was ninety seconds ago, “Luke managed to figure out the bridge while you were gone. We could run through if you want?”

It’s an obvious diversion, a little clunky in true Reggie fashion, but Alex isn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth. He takes the bait and manages to let out a small breath while he listens to Luke explain why he had to change to the chord progression in order to make the lyrics that he and Julie wrote to fit the vibe or whatever. Alex is just thankful for the normalcy of it all as he nods along. 

-

It’s not that Alex forgets about tabling the conversation that happened in the garage. It’s just that he filed it under Do Not Think About in his head and then did not think about it, and it worked. At least for the next two days. The problem with not thinking about something is that it leaves you vulnerable to an ambush.

“So, I heard you hung out with Willie a couple days ago.”

Alex jerks his head up so fast he thinks he would have given himself whiplash if he still had bones in his neck. Across from him, Julie is looking at him with an open expression, her face not betraying a single thought that must be going through her head. Luke and Reggie are notably absent from the garage, must have snuck out when Alex wasn’t paying attention.

Like he said: an ambush. 

“I guess Luke spilled the beans, huh?” 

Julie doesn’t say anything in response, just continues to look at Alex with her chin resting in her hand. He takes a deep breath and continues, “I honestly don’t know why they’re so concerned. It really wasn’t that big of a deal.”

That’s a double lie. When did Alex get so good at lying? He knows exactly why Luke and Reggie are concerned, and he knows it was a big deal. At least to him and his feelings.

“Well, I think that it’s nice that you got to see him again and you that two spent some time together.”

Now it’s Alex’s turn to sit and stare. There’s no way she means that.

“There’s honestly no way you mean that.”

“Why not? I mean, you don’t think he was there as some sort of an evil plot to reghostnap you guys, do you?”

Alex can’t help but let out a snort at the image that pops into his head of Caleb, cape and all, stealing him off the beach.

“Of course not.”

“Then why wouldn’t it be a nice thing? You deserve to have people who care about you outside of the band, Alex, and if you’re ready to move forward with Willie, then we, as your friends, should support you.”

She’s so earnest as she says it, but Alex can’t help but shake his head in response. It’s just not that simple. 

“But what if I’m not, you know,” Alex trails off, unsure of how to continue, how to open up what feels like his Pandora’s box of fears and insecurities.

“Of what? Forgiving him? If that was the case, I don’t think you would have stayed with him on the beach for as long as you did.”

It’s a good point. Alex stays silent.

“Look, Alex, forgiveness can be a really tricky thing,” Julie’s eyes narrow slightly then as Alex lets out a scoff, “Seriously, it can be difficult to actually forgive someone completely. Especially if you don’t ever really address what you’re forgiving them for. If you can’t tell Willie why you’re still so unsure now, even after he’s apologized and you accepted that apology, then he’s never really going to know how you feel. You’d be setting him, and yourself, up for failure.”

Her words feel like a kick right to the solar plexus. He’s feeling a little stunned by it all and somehow manages to croak out a joke about her being both the youngest and the smartest in the band. She rolls her eyes so hard Alex is surprised they don’t fall out of her head.

“That’s not a challenge when it comes to surpassing you three,” Julie takes a pause to reach across and lightly sock Alex in the arm, “Stop deflecting. You seriously just need to talk to Willie; air out all the things you’re bottling up inside and see if that makes you feel any better.”

Really though, when did teenage girls get so wise? Alex returns Julie’s soft smile and hopes she understands that he’s agreeing with her. The idea of talking to Willie, explaining what he’s thinking, is terrifying, but somehow his chest still feels lighter than it has in weeks. 

-

Alex figures out that if he actually wants to go through with telling Willie how he feels about, well, everything, then he has to go into this with a plan. So, Alex spends the next day or so planning out exactly what he wants to say. Or well, he spends the next day or so trying. Seriously. He may have literally nothing to show for it. He hasn’t even been able to think of a chill way to say “hello” yet (he wants it to sound aloof but not like cold, overthinking is a disease), but he is trying.

The issue is that Alex doesn’t actually know what a decent starting place is for a conversation like this. To be honest, Alex doesn’t even know how to start a conversation like this, literally speaking. He has absolutely no idea of how he can even find Willie. If there’s a supernatural ghost communication connection, Alex has yet to figure it out. 

Currently, Alex is debating just randomly popping up in pools of the stars across Los Angeles until he manages to find Willie skating in an empty one.

Except he has no idea where the rich and the famous even live.

Or who even is considered famous anymore.

He absolutely does not want to have to ask Flynn for help with this. She’d do it, but she’d differently make fun of him for not knowing who’s who anymore which, whatever, none of them are as cool as David Grohl anyway. 

Still, even if he did know where Justin Bieber lived just poofing into his backyard for eternity until he manages to run into Willie is objectively a terrible plan. This is why Luke is usually the plan and idea guy. 

“Alex, bro, what is going on with your face right now?”

Speak of the devil he shall appear. 

In Luke’s defense, Alex’s face is definitely doing something weird right now. Alex would love to believe that his thinking face makes him look like a boy genius, deep in philosophical thought about to spit some serious knowledge. In reality, it’s just a frustrated looking scowl, but Alex never technically finished high school so sue him and his dumb thinking face. 

“Seriously dude you look like you’re thinking pretty hard over there. It’s kind of starting to freak me out.”

Alex can’t stop the eyeroll that time around, not that Luke didn’t somewhat deserve the attitude. Ask stupid questions, get stupid answers, and all that jazz or however the saying goes.

“Can’t really control my face, dude.”

There’s extra emphasis on the dude, which is met with an immediate scoff from Luke that is fair but still. Luke had to know that Alex was going to be somewhat combative. That’s why Reggie is missing, probably off wreaking havoc within the Molina household or watching Julie’s dad make a sandwich. They haven’t had a conversation since the breakdown over Willie a few days ago. Or they haven’t had a conversation that matters since the breakdown, certainly not since Alex talked to Julie. 

Luke’s face is still expectant despite the scoff. Obviously, he wants Alex to continue, to give him something to work with, even though Alex has no doubts that Luke and Julie already had a conversation about The Willie Problem.

“I’ve just been thinking a lot lately, I guess. You know about like Willie and everything.”

It’s nothing that Luke doesn’t already know, nothing that he hasn’t been aware of since everything seemed to fall apart. The sympathetic look on his face does nothing to ease the pit in Alex’s stomach.

God if he can’t even have this conversation with Luke, the person he knows him best in this world, how is he ever going to have an actual feelings conversation with Willie. 

“Yeah, I assumed that would be the explanation for the whole face thing. I did want to talk to you about everything, though. Look, Alex,” Luke starts, taking a break to let out a deep sigh, “I maybe overreacted when you told me you were talking to Willie again.”

Alex’s eyes go so wide they nearly fall out of his skull.

“I don’t know. I feel like I still have to protect you or like shield you from things, but I get how that can be kind of overbearing. Especially in situations like this where Willie isn’t actually too terrible of a guy. I just don’t like seeing you hurt, Lex.”

Luke had been the one to pick up the pieces every time Alex fell apart. He was there when Alex realized maybe he liked boys the way all his friends liked girls. He was there when Alex made the disastrous decision to come out to his parents in the naïve hope that their love was unconditional. He was there when Alex made the mistake of thinking the cute boy from two counties over might respond well to Alex’s crush.

It chokes Alex up a bit. He knew, _knows_ , that Luke wasn’t trying to be malicious or anything with his reaction to Willie coming back into the picture. But Luke confirming Alex’s suspicions that he was being overprotective and not mad at Alex or anything hits him deeply. 

“Still,” Luke continues, “None of this is like an excuse for my actions. You’re one of my best friends, but you’re also basically an adult. You don’t need me to screen the guys you’re attracted to. Especially not a guy like Willie. He really isn’t that bad.” 

He finishes his short monologue with a signature smirk. Alex can’t help but laugh a little. Luke’s not wrong: Willie really isn’t that bad, especially when taking Alex’s questionable taste into account. 

“Thanks, Luke. I really appreciate it.”

“Okay now that that’s out of the way,” Luke moves to lay down flat on his stomach, head in his hands, “Tell me how we’re going to woo Willie.”

“That’s part of the reason behind the whole face situation. I don’t have a plan.”

“Alex, it’s been like four days. I know you’re hopeless when it comes to relationships, but I hoped you were at least better than Reggie.”

“One, rude. Words can hurt. Two, it’s not that I don’t have a plan,” Alex tries to explain, “It’s just that I don’t know how to get the ball rolling.”

“That has got to be the lamest excuse I’ve ever heard. What does that even mean?”

“It means that I have no way of finding him,” Alex can feel himself starting to get worked up, “Unless you’ve unlocked the secret to telepathy or figured out how to use the phone as a ghost in which case please teach me.”

Luke pauses at that, taking a moment to think about whatever is about to come out of his mouth. Alex appreciates the self-restraint.

“I think you might be overthinking this dude.”

Strike that last thought. Alex appreciates nothing and his best friend is quite possibly the worst.

“Wait, hear me out. If you’re thinking about it this much, then Willie probably is too. I saw his face outside the Orpheum. He cares about you a ton. Maybe he’s also trying to find a way to accidentally see you again, and he’s going to go back to the most obvious place.”

“What does that even mean, Luke? That he’s going to just keep going to the beach until I show up again? Wouldn’t it make infinitely more sense for him to just come here if he really wanted to talk to me?”

Alex crosses his arms across his chest after he finishes. It may seem a little desperate to wrap himself up in a hug, but he’s earned it after basically admitting his biggest fear throughout all of this. After all, Willie knows where Alex lives, knows exactly where to find him if he wanted to. Maybe Willie not showing up to the garage is all the proof Alex needs that Willie isn’t as interested in Alex as Alex is in him.

“Or maybe he just wants it to be a neutral ground because he doesn’t want to freak you out by showing up at your house like a stalker. He’s probably just waiting for you to make the next move so that he doesn’t scare you off.”

“So, what, he’s just going to go to the beach every day until I show back up like some terrible romance cliché?”

“It’s what I would probably end up doing,” Luke answers with a shrug, “Besides, it’s not like he has anything better to do other than wait on you to figure your life out.”

Alex has massive doubts surrounding just about every part of Luke’s explanation, but it’s not like he has anything else to work with. Alex gives Luke a quick smile and another thank you, and then he decides to take himself back to the shoreline. At the very least, he can prove Luke wrong. 

-

Except that Alex can’t prove Luke wrong because somehow Luke was right, and Alex’s life is starting to feel like some kind of cosmic joke. He can never let Luke find out that his insane plan worked on the very first try. There’s no way he’d be able to live it down. 

Nausea starts to well up in Alex’s stomach, some weird mixture of nerves, fear, and what he hopes is excitement. He popped in closer to the boardwalk so that he could better scan the beach to see if Willie was there.

Of course, Willie is sitting in the exact sand-covered spot that Alex was in the last time he was here. His back is to Alex as he looks out across the horizon. Alex takes a quick breath before making his presence known to the other boy. 

“Hey, uh, Willie. Funny seeing you here.”

Alex cringes on instinct. So much for coming up with a cool, aloof way to say hello. Willie seems somewhat shocked by the intrusion. More so by Alex’s presence than by Alex’s ability to embarrass himself in any and all social situations. 

“Hey Alex,” Willie starts, moving to stand up off of the sand, brushing his hands against his thighs like the living would do to dislodge sand. Maybe it’s just instinct, or Willie’s just as desperate to do something with his hands as Alex is. “I was hoping I’d get to see you again. I’d kind of been waiting around to see if there was a chance you’d show back up here.”

Somewhere Luke is punching the air. 

But here, on the beach, Willie looks like the last bit was a secret that he can’t believe he just word vomited out. Alex knows the feeling. 

“I guess we were on the same page then,” Alex admits somewhat sheepishly. 

It seems to put Willie at ease, though, as a small smile begins to shine through. It hits Alex like a train that he wants to be the one who makes Willie smile like that, possibly forever. 

There’s somewhat of an awkward pause, neither boy knowing how to carry on the conversation. Willie moves to push a strand of hair behind his ear and goes to open his mouth. Alex cuts him off before he gets the chance. 

“Look, Willie,” Alex begins, “I’ve been basically losing my mind over the past, god, couple weeks at least? And I’m pretty sure that if I can’t get it all out in the open now, I’m never going to be able to be open about it at all. So, if you don’t mind, can I just kind of explain it all? Or like at least try to explain it all?”

Willie looks more than a little dumbstruck by Alex’s request, but he nods his head all the same, thankfully staying quiet.

“The thing is, finding out about you and Caleb? That really, _really_ hurt Willie. And the logical part of my brain knows that it wasn’t entirely your fault and doesn’t want to blame you for everything that went down, but, like, a small part of me can’t get over the hurt. I feel like I’m not actually forgiving you for anything despite telling you I’ve forgiven you for everything.”

“God, Alex, I am so-”

Alex cuts Willie off, not needing to hear another choked out apology.

“But I want to. I’ve never wanted to do something so badly in my life,” Alex takes a step closer to Willie, leaving virtually no space between them. 

Alex moves his arms up slowly, cups Willie’s cheek with one of his hands.

“There’s something about you. You’re just so special, Willie, I don’t know how to explain it or put it into words, but it makes me want to try because I can’t really imagine going through the afterlife without you. I’ve never felt like this for anybody, definitely not this fast, and it terrifies me.”

Willie moves his hand, grasps onto Alex’s wrist like a lifeline. 

“Maybe it’s okay that this scares me so much, though, since I’ve never felt safer than when I was alone with you.”

“Alex,” Willie lets out with a breath. It sounds raw, so much emotion packed into a name. There are wet tracks running down Willie’s face from tears that must have started to fall at some point during Alex’s speech. There’s a matching shine in Alex’s own eyes. And Alex just.

For once in his life, he doesn’t hesitate. 

Alex dips his head down and presses his lips to Willie. As far as first kisses go, it’s soft, sweet. Neither person wanting to go too far, too fast. Still, it’s comforting. It’s the best feeling Alex has ever had. 

Alex pulls back first, rests his forehead against Willie’s.

“So,” Alex says with a bit of a laugh, “You willing to give this a try?” 

“Alex,” Willie says again, this time so much stronger. So much happier. Willie threads the fingers of his free hand into the hair at the top of Alex’s neck and pulls him down for a second kiss. This one a little more passionate, a little more wild than the first, both boys smiling into it. 

So, Alex’s life might just be turning into one giant romantic cliché. Big deal. Maybe this is exactly how the story is expected to play out. Just a tale about forgiveness and growth without a major twist or catastrophic end. Hasn’t he earned that at this point? Sure, it’s a bit on the nose, even for Alex’s history of “true love conquering all” or however Julie was able to make the stamp disappear, but Alex is happy.

As Alex and Willie break apart, still touching and smiling, Alex realizes that for the first time in what feels like a lifetime he feels at peace with everything around him.

It’s a nice feeling. 

**Author's Note:**

> i haven't written fanfiction in five years but i saw these two and went let's go


End file.
